Keion Cocaine
by Roxius
Summary: Ritsu accidently comes in contact with some cocaine due to Yui's negligence. I really don't care if you don't like it, to tell the truth. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own K-On!, nor do I want to.

A/N: I support the short-fic agenda, dammit!!!!

Also, no yuri this time...it's just a random "crack" fic...but whatever. I can do what I want, okay?

Since I've never taken cocaine, I don't know how someone reacts to it, so...I'm just gonna try my best!

Fuck, I just know that Seig guy's gonna hate me for having wrote this especially after that whole 'write better' shit we just went through with our chat...but I don't think I'll write for this series anymore after this, since it actually kinda sucks...boring manga, boring anime...

* * *

"Hey! Hey, Ri-chan!!"

Ritsu glanced up from her half-finished slice of cake and saw Yui dashing over to her with an excited look on her face. For some reason, she was carrying a small plastic bag filled with an odd grayish powder. Since both Mio and Tsumugi were out due to catching the flu last night, Yui and Ritsu were the only ones in the light music clubroom at the moment. Luckily, Tsumugi had been kind enough to leave a few extra cakes in the clubroom refrigerator, so Ritsu had promptly helped herself.

"Check this out!" Yui exclaimed, holding the bag up to Ritsu's face, "I just found this lying around outside behind a pile of bushes! Cool, huh?"

Ritsu took the bag into her hands, and stared at it for a few seconds. "...What exactly is it that's in here?"

Yui shrugged. "No idea."

'HOW MYSTERIOUS...' both girls looked suspiciously at the bag as if it were some sort of mystical, yet undeniably mysterious object.

After a moment of silence, Ritsu callously tore open the bag, and turned it upside down, allowing its contents to spill out onto the table. Yui gasped. She was beginning to regret having picked up this strange bag in the first place.

"R-Ri-chan! Uh...what're you doing?"

"I wanna see just what the heck this stuff is..." Ritsu replied without a care. She scooped a handful of the powder into her palm, and brought it close to her face. Yui felt a bit nervous as she watched Ritsu examine the gray powder; didn't she once see something on TV about a powder that looked rather similar to this?

"Ri-chan...I think we should put that stuff back..." Yui spoke up.

Ritsu shrugged in defiance to Yui's suggestion. "Why should we? I mean, you're the one who brought it here in the first place...!"

"Y-Yeah, but...I think I recall that I once saw some program on TV about this powder...it's really bad news...I made a megas-big mistake bringing it here!!!"

"Huh...?"

Suddenly, in an unfortunate lapse of good judgement, Ritsu accidentally snorted a huge whiff of the silvery powder up into her nostrils. Letting out a weak cry, Ritsu threw her hands up, tossing the powder into the air in the process, and fell backwards off of her chair. Yui gasped again, and ran to her friend's side, only to see that Ritsu's eyes had become wide and dilated. The remaining particles of powder now scattered all over the tiled floor.

"Ri-chan!!" Yui shook Ritsu violently in hopes for some sort of response from her friend, "Ri-chan! Ri-chan, are you okay?!"

After a minute of awkward silence, a wide grin broke out on Ritsu's face. "...Wow...I can see it..."

"...WHAT?!!" Yui cried in confusion.

"I...I can see it," Ritsu slowly pushed herself to a stand, "I...I can see everything...the colors! The stars! The planets!!! The...the Swedish fishermen!!!! He's here to take me away from this laaaaaaand~!!! Ha ha ha haaah...!!! Burn it with fire, my tiny piglets, but don't go getting me sick now!"

Yui had no idea what the hell was going on, but at the least she knew that it was the powder that had done this to Ritsu.

"There goes Mio-chan, riding on Tsumugi-chan down a waterfall like she's a class-S surfer, and firing lasers from her chest!!! Yeah...it's awesome!!! Sugoi, my friends, sugoi!! She's into superstition, black cats, and furry dogs! I feel a premonition...that girl's gonna make me fall!!!! She's into new sensations, new kicks and the candlelight...she's got a new addiction for every day and night~!!!"

Yui scratched the back of her head. "...Livin' La Vida Loca?"

Ritsu waved her arms up and down as if she were a bird trying to obtain flight. "I see Cloverfield and Batman, deep in battle against Ultraman!!! You can do it, Jimmy!! I believe in...in meat buns!!! Watch where you're flying, Air Force One! Oh, look, what's this?"

She snatched up Mio's bass guitar and swung it dangerously close to Yui's face, laughing all the while. "Ha ha ha!! I'll defeat you, evil monster!!! WOO-HOOOOOOO...!!! Who the hell do you think I am?!! Fight me...and I shall fight you back!"

'This...this is really bad...she's gone completely INSANE!!' Yui thought, horrified that such a terrible thing had happened to her dear friend Ritsu.

"Wow!! Tsumugi-chan is a crime boss?!! No wonder she's so rich, that crazy little girl!! She's so slutty, with those big ol' eyebrows of hers!!!" Ritsu giggled with unnecessary intensity as she threw the bass guitar off to the side, "Mio-chan is cute as heck! I love it! I love it I love it I love it! I don't care being just like you, forgetting about all the people and the things that you do!...Oh, guess what, Yui?!" Ritsu was bouncing up and down with all the energy of a small child. There were red circles around her eyes now.

Yui's eyes shifted nervously to the right. "W-What is it, Ri-chan...?"

"...I LOVE ALL OF MY LITTLE ANIMAL FRIENDS, BUT YOU'RE MY FAVORITE!!!" Ritsu proclaimed, and then she collapsed forward and lost consciousness. It seemed...that it was finally all over.

'T...Thank god...' Yui let out a breath of relief, yet she was still severly shaken up.

It took her almost 15 minutes before she could bring herself to run out of the room and alert Sawako-sensei to what had just happened...


End file.
